Well, I'm
not about to touch any of the rumors or speculation with
a ten foot pole...especially not when a five foot pole will
suffice. So without further delay, here are the top ten things
that Steve Jobs would change at Disney, if he were in fact
to join the company in any position more authoritative than
parking lot attendant:
10.
All employees at Tomorrowland now required to wear
black turtlenecks.
9.
At the "Hall of Presidents," Abraham Lincoln stops
periodically during his Gettysburg Address and sips
from a bottle of Evian.
8.
"Pirates
of the Caribbean" ride renamed "Pirates
of Silicon Valley". In a suspect career move,
Noah Wyle accepts offer to play "Pirate #3".
Fans of
"ER" finally understand why Wyle hasn't
been on the show
all season.
7.
The "Tower
of Terror" is replaced by an all-in-one
design called the iTerror, despite ride-goers' complaints
of already having a "perfectly good monitor" (if
you've
been
paying attention to billpalmer.net this
past week,
you'll get that one).
6.
"Carousel of Progress" now begins in 1976 with
two guys in a garage...
This
photo of Mickey Mouse holding an iPod isn't even real,
but it's proof that Disney is buying Pixar
and Apple.
5.
John Sculley is brought in to handle the corporate
side of things...oh wait, nevermind.
4.
The Monorail is now powered by MacOS X Server...and
it runs twice as fast at one-tenth the price. Bill
Gates calls it "too
expensive".
3.
The big ball at EPCOT now broadcasts 802.11g wireless
access to all Disney theme parks...and Michael
Dell still tries
to take
credit.
2.
Mac users slowly come to terms with the fact that
MacWorld Keynote speeches are now routinely delivered
by Donald Duck. But viewers of Disney-owned ESPN
never do quite accept Phil Schiller as the
new
anchor of
SportsCenter.
and
the number one thing that Steve Jobs would change
if he took over Disney...
1.
iPods now come with detachable Mickey Mouse ears.
Oh,
and speaking of Roy Disney's resignation from the
Disney Corporation, it reminds me of an old episode
of "Beavis and Butt-head" in which the duo is watching
a Van Halen video from the brief period when Eddie
Van Halen was unrecognizable with short hair.
Beavis summed up the situation: "But where's Van
Halen? You can't have Van Halen...without Van Halen!".
The question now is, can you have Disney without
Disney?
Which,
by the way, makes me wonder -- Steve Jobs sure seems
to be getting mentioned in a lot of replacement roles
these
says
-- isn't Van Halen still looking for a new singer?
