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Rumor: Apple to create third independent internal division
According to high-level sources within in Cupertino, Apple's reorganization plan goes far deeper than merely splitting the company's Macintosh and iPod efforts into two separate units. Apparently, plans are underway to create an entirely new third division, and that's not the end of it. According at least one source, Steve Jobs has mandated that the new division focus entirely on cheese.
"I don't know what happened," Apple VP Phil Schiller was quoted as saying. "Steve suddenly sent out an internal email mandating that we create a new cheese division." Apple employees were said to be quite comfortable with Wednesday's announcement of a separate iPod division, but were a bit more hesitant when it came to the idea of food. When asked for comment, Jon Rubenstein quipped, "You know, I wasn't real happy with being placed in charge of the iPod division, but in retrospect, I suppose things could have been worse. I mean, cheese. What are they going to do? Manufacture it? Eat it? Sell it online for 99 cents a pop?"
Surprisingly, Wall Street looked favorably upon the move. CNBC was quoted as saying, "It's a clear sign that Apple is finally ditching that old Macintosh line, and moving forward with products that have growth potential." However, others were less enthusiastic. Renowned industry analyst Apple-hater Paul Thurrott predicted that Apple's line of cheese products wouldn't be "compatible or expandable, and besides, Microsoft already makes a superior version of cheese. Heck, Microsoft invented cheese." Unfortunately, the Thurrott interview had to be cut short when a Microsoft courier arrived to deliver Thurrott's paycheck.
No word on when Apple's cheese division will bring its first product to market, but Jonathan Ive is rumored to already be designing prototypes that have been described as "far too beautiful to eat." And New York Times columnist David Pogue has apparently begun writing "Apple Cheese: The Missing Manual, the book that should have been in the canister!".
Update, 10:28 am: Apparently, there will be no third Apple division after all. There appears to have been some confusion when Steve Jobs was replying to an email from Apple's head chef about what he wanted for lunch, and Steve accidentally clicked "Reply All" and typed "cheese." A company spokesman said that she first suspected something had gone awry when she saw that Apple's new division was supposed to be headed by someone named "Crackers."
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