billpalmer.net: Macintosh users, you've never had it so good

Visit the rest of the billpalmer.network:

officially recognized by Apple as an
"Apple User Group"

Current membership:
497

Online iChat meetings the first Monday of every month

Newsletter with reviews, discounts and special offers

Access to the Apple MUG Store

Join today!

Ultimate cool gifts for 2004:

Belkin iPod
battery backup

Shop Amazon
and support billpalmer.net!

Get your Missing Manuals:

MacOS X Panther
iPod and iTunes
Switching to Mac
AppleWorks 6
MS Office X
Dreamweaver MX

billpalmer.net/store

The Mac Fanatic's 2003 Holiday Shopping Guide

for December 2003

If you're like me, you define "the perfect gift" as anything Mac-related. But while your mother and your sister and your cousin-twice-removed might be Mac users, they might appreciate it if, for once, they receive a gift from their favorite Mac fanatic that ends up being something other than a Mac peripheral or software title. Strange as it may seem to us, there are those out there who actually want gifts from other walks of life. So let's take on this challenge together, shall we?

Here's a smattering of possibilities, categorized by potential recipient:

Wife / girlfriend: No matter what she says, what she really wants is flowers delivered to her workplace. Trust me on this one. There's no better way for a woman to one-up her co-workers than to have a gigantic bouquet of flowers suddenly appear on her desk in the middle of the workday. But if you don't think you can stand to buy her something that's not technology-related, you might compromise with the Roomba Intelligent FloorVac, that little robot-thingy that vacuums your entire house without you having to lift a finger. Now, that sounds like a compromise that a guy can live with.

Husband / boyfriend: Don't make him pretend to want sensitive, symbolic gifts that come from the heart; just go ahead and get him the golfing equipment that he's been eyeing all year. Face it, he's going to spend far too much time on the golf course one way or the other, so you might as well send him out there with decent equipment. If you're not sure, just casually ask him which brand of golfing equipment he thinks is the best, and when he starts foaming at the mouth and is only able to forcefully utter one brand name...that's the one you want to go with. Get him new clubs, or a new bag, or whatever he seems to be lacking. Heck, get him some balls for good measure. No, I meant golf balls. Be nice, now.

Adult Daughter: This one's easy. She wants house-decorating crap, so don't even think about wasting time getting her anything other than the house-decorating crap that she so desires. If you're not sure what kind of crap she likes, then get her a gift certificate for house-decorating crap. See how easy this is?

Teenage Daughter: Why not try a novel approach and get her something from the Snoopy Store? While I'm not entirely sure that teenagers these days have actually heard of Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang, I'm fairly confident that there's not a girl out there who could frown upon a face like Snoopy's.

Adult Son: Here's another easy one. Just get him some sporting goods at Wal-Mart, and he'll be in hog-heaven. I mean, his wife is probably getting him the sensitive gift that he had to pretend to want, so the least you can do is be a good parent and provide the sporting goods.

Teenage Son: If he doesn't already have it, he obviously wants a PlayStation 2. Look on the bright side, you can use it as a DVD player when he's not home. If he already has a PlayStation 2, then he obviously wants more games for it . It doesn't matter that he's already got forty-seven other games sitting on a shelf, played once. Those are last week's games. He wants more.

Mother: She also wants house-decorating crap. Nuff said.

Father: Simple, he wants golfing equipment. See how neatly this all falls into place?

Roommates: Give them the gift that'll shut 'em up for awhile: a good book.

Grandchildren: Why not sign them up for a membership to the Disney Movie Club? It might save their parents (your children) from having to pay full retail for every Disney movie when it hits the shelves. Remember who your children turn to when they run out of money (finger pointing at you). You just might be saving yourself a bundle by signing up the grandkids.

Your Brother-in-Law and his Family: Provided you don't live near Disney World, send them there. Just don't tell them to look me up while they're in the area. Unless they're Mac users.

That cousin that you really hate: Something from a company that everyone loves to hate. Something that says, "hey, I couldn't be bothered to get you a gift from a real company". I don't know, something from Corel perhaps?

And finally, yourself: Treat yourself to a pair of new shades to signify that you've reached a new level of inner coolness by not subjecting your loved ones to Mac-related holiday gifts for the fourteenth year in a row. Besides, if you start to feel withdrawal pains, you can always get them Mac stuff for their birthdays in 2004.

Happy Shopping!

Shop Amazon
and support billpalmer.net!

Don't have an iPod yet? Order one today:

Click here to return to the billpalmer.net home page

The terms Apple, Mac, Macintosh, MacOS X, iMac, iBook, PowerBook, Power Macintosh, Safari, Keynote, Sherlock, iMovie, iPhoto, iTunes, iTunes Music Store, FileMaker Pro, AppleWorks, the Apple Store, and Apple Education are trademarks of Apple Computer, Inc. Other terms may be trademarks of their respective companies.